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Judy Witwicky: Sam, we heard you talking to someone...
Sam Witwicky: Mom, I...
[Sam's parents fall silent and stare at Mikaela]
Mikaela: Hi, I'm Mikaela. I'm a... I'm a friend of Sam's.
[Judy starts giggling and chucks Sam on the shoulder]
Judy Witwicky: Gosh, you're gorgeous!
[turns to Ron]
Judy Witwicky: Isn't that the prettiest girl?
Sam Witwicky: She can hear you talking, Mom.
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Judy Witwicky: [barging into Sam's bedroom, her husband in tow] Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating?
Ron Witwicky: Judy...
Sam Witwicky: [frantic] Was I master... No, Mom!
Ron Witwicky: Zip it, okay?
Judy Witwicky: It's okay...
Sam Witwicky: No, I don't masturbate!
Ron Witwicky: That's not something for you to bring up.
Judy Witwicky: Okay.
Ron Witwicky: That's a father-and-son thing, okay?
Sam Witwicky: Father-son thing...
Judy Witwicky: I mean, you don't have to call it that word if that makes you uncomfortable... you can call it Sam's happy time or...
Sam Witwicky: [amazed] Happy time?
Judy Witwicky: ...my special alone time...
Ron Witwicky: Judy, stop!
Judy Witwicky: ...with myself.
Sam Witwicky: Mom, you can't come in and...
Judy Witwicky: I'm sorry. It's just been a weird night. I've had a little bit to drink.
Mike Allen
Extended Reading
