Kristin Keating

Bitchy Businesswoman: [Refering to a friend, whose face is melting] Officer, he's in tremendous pain, can't you do something?

Bill The Cop: Lady, I can only save one person at a time.

Bitchy Businesswoman: What, because he's a male?

Bill The Cop: Did anybody throw anything?

Concerned Businessman: Sss - no, it suddenly happened - suddenly - uh...

Bitchy Businesswoman: Can I talk now? Why don't you do something for this man and stop following the rules?

Bill The Cop: Lady, what's the difference between you and a tape recorder except that I can't shut you off?

Bitchy Businesswoman: You know, you're the type of cop that would use a traffic violation as a ruse to pull me over and rape me.

Bill The Cop: Baby, I ain't sure you don't got a cock.

Store Manager: [Arrives with the old lady] Excuse me, sir...

Burt: Well, hey! What'd you say brother! Hey look, can you tell me when this here product expires?

Store Manager: I'd like to know what you're doing with all that chicken in your pants.

Burt: Say what?

Store Manager: You heard me.

Burt: Well yeah I heard you, but I don't understand. Because it's clear to me that what I'm doing is shopping.

Store Manager: This lady said that you were taking food out of the display cases and stuffing it down your pants and that certainly seems to be the case to me. Are you planning on paying for this food?

Burt: No I ain't planning to paying for it, because I alreay purchased it!

[Shows the clerk a coupon that was dropped outside]

Store Manager: This is all dog food on this list and that's chicken comming out of your pants!

Burt: Say what? Let me see that...

[Reads the coupon]

Burt: I don't see no dog food!

Store Manager: That's what the abbreviation stands for.

Burt: Well, shit! That ain't my problem brother! Can't help it if your cashiers see dog food for chicken!

Store Manager: Look, why don't you come with me and we'll get to the bottom of this situation.

Burt: Come with you? Whatcha mean?

[Pointing to old woman]

Burt: Now this old honky skin, white, snitch-ass mother fucker tells you something and you say "Come with me!" Now you're taking her word over mine! Now that's descrimination. Now why don't you just pull down your pants so we can all see the lilly white paint on your Hatian black ass?

Store Manager: Look, you can come with me now, or I'll get the security.

Burt: Hey, now you're talking bro! I'm gonna report you to your superiors!