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Larry Valentine: [Enters the firefighters' common room, holding the petition that they had all signed asking the captain to transfer out Chuck and Larry. He addresses the fourteen firefighters in the room] Hey, fellas! Hey, heard you guys have been circulating a petition. You mind if I take a look at it? Oh, what do you now, I got it right here. It's impressive, a lot of names! Let's go down the list, see who we got here. Nootzie! Hey, remember that time Chuck and I ran back into that textile plant and dragged your limp body out? Even though Chuck's leg was broken like in three different places. Man, that was pretty freaking gay of Chuck, huh? Wow! Renaldo! Man, I remember your first day on the job. Remember you were so scared you actually crapped yourself? And Chuck and I, we snuck you back in here, we cleaned you up so nobody'd find out. You begged us not tell anyone. And did we? Let's ask. You guys hear that story before right now? Show of hands?
Fred G. Duncan: [laughing while eating a big bowl of potato chips] No, but it's hilarious.
Larry Valentine: Yeah, it is hilarious. Tony! Nice signature. Hey, is that the same one you used to endorse the check that Chuck gave you when you gambled away your mortgage payment on college football? I guess his money wasn't too gay to bail you out or keep your wife from leaving you again.
Fred G. Duncan: [laughing] Again!
Larry Valentine: I guess Chuck's not a enough of a man to work next to work next to big *strong* heroes like you guys.
[Fire station bell starts ringing]
Larry Valentine: Oh look at that, a fire, well I hope it's not a bad one - because the *faggot* who's been saving your sorry asses is now, thanks to you, working on another shift. Let's go.
[Slides down the firepole]
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Larry Valentine: [Takes hot sauce out of the microwave, pours it on noodles and adds 3 burger patties] Bolognese!
Teresa: Looks more like bowl of shit.
Larry Valentine: Thanks for all your help, Teresa.
Julie Reifers
Extended Reading
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