-
Oscar Madison: Blanche used to say to me, "What time do you want dinner" I'd say "I dunno, I'm not hungry". Then 3 o'clock in the morning, I'd wake her up and say "now". I've been one of the highest paid sports writers in the east for the past fourteen years, we saved eight and a half dollars in pennies. I'm never home, I gamble, burn cigar holes in the furniture, drink like a fish, lie to her every chance I get. Then on our tenth wedding anniversary, I took her to the New York Rangers-Detroit Red Wings hockey game where she got hit by a puck! I still can't figure out why she left me, that's how impossible I am.
-
Oscar Madison: Hey wait a minute, wait a minute, the pot's shy. Who didn't put in a quarter?
Murray: You didn't.
Oscar Madison: You got a big mouth, Murray. Just for that, lend me twenty dollars.
Murray: I just loaned you twenty dollars. Borrow from somebody else, I keep winning my own money back.
Roy: You owe everybody in the game. If you don't have it, you shouldn't play.
Oscar Madison: All right, I'm through being a nice guy, you owe me six dollars apiece for the buffet!
Vinnie: What Buffet?
[they all chime in]
Vinnie: What buffet?
Speed: What buffet? Hot beer and two sandwiches left over from when you went to high school.
Oscar Madison: What do you want at a poker game, a tomato surprise? Murray, lend me twenty dollars or I'll call your wife and tell her you're in Central Park wearing a dress.
Gene Saks
Extended Reading
