Carter Wong

Jack Burton: Mutual Fidelity Insurers of Sacramento... well, there's gotta be a listing, honey, cause I pay 'em 6 G's a year in premiums.

Uncle Chu: China is here, Mr. Burton. The Chang Sing, the Wing Kong, they've been fighting for centuries.

Jack Burton: What does that mean? "China is here"? I don't even know what the hell that means. All I know is this "Lo Pan" character comes out of thin air in the middle of a goddamn alley while his buddies are flying around on wires cutting everybody to shreds, and he just stands there waiting for me to drive my truck straight through him, with light coming out of his mouth!

Wang Chi: Jack, please...

[lightning strikes and Wang becomes silent]

Uncle Chu: When did this happen?

Wang Chi: It didn't, uncle Chu, not like he says.

Jack Burton: [diverting from his phone call] Yeah, it did, uncle Chu, 2 hours ago. Tall guy, weird clothes, first you see him then you don't.

[back to his call]

Jack Burton: Yeah, is this just a switch board or something...

Uncle Chu: Lo Pan appeared on the street? Wang Chi, why didn't you tell me?

Wang Chi: I didn't want to alarm you, uncle.

Jack Burton: [on his phone call] I'm gonna tell you about an accident and I don't want to hear "act of God," alright?

[enter Eddie]

Eddie: Good afternoon, Mr. Wong.

Wang Chi: Eddie, meet my dear friend Jack Burton. Eddie is the new maitre'd here at the Black Pool.

Eddie: And a whole lot more.

Jack Burton: [on his phone call] I don't know my policy number, it's in the glove compartment. Just look under B-U-R-T-O-N, will ya?

Eddie: Jack Burton?

[Jack turns to his name being called]

Eddie: Wow, the guy you always told me about, huh? So that was your abandoned truck.

Jack Burton: Abandoned, like hell!

[into the phone]

Jack Burton: Hey! Hello! Hello! Ahh, Christ.

Eddie: Bad news. The Lords of Death stole it after you ran away.

Jack Burton: They stole my truck?

Wang Chi: Take it easy, Jack, you're with friends. We'll find it for you.

Jack Burton: Damn right, you will. And my money, and time is money to a guy like me...

[points to uncle Chu]

Jack Burton: ... and your phone is dead, by the way.

Lo Pan: And when I find her, I will marry her...

Wang Chi: Never!

Lo Pan: Ching Dai will be appeased, my curse will be lifted!

Jack Burton: And you can go on to rule the universe from beyond the grave.

Lo Pan: Indeed!

Jack Burton: Or check into a psycho ward, whichever comes first, right?

Wang Chi: Jack, will you...?

Jack Burton: "Jack" what? I'm supposed to buy this shit? 2000 years, he can't find one broad to fit the bill? Come on, Dave, you must be doing something seriously wrong!

Lo Pan: There have been others, to be sure. There are always others. But you know, Mr. Burton, the difficulties between men and women. How seldom it works out? Yet we all keep trying, like fools.