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Martland: The fact that you're as drunk as a fiddler's bitch in no way obviates the fact that you very nearly caused an international incident. A man your age has no excuse for looking or behaving like a fugitive from a home for alcoholic music hall artistes.
Mortdecai: I will have you know that I am not an alcoholic. I am a drunk, and there is a vast difference.
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Maurice: [to Martland] Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: "It might have been."
Bruce Witkin
Extended Reading