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Title Card: [mock movie trailer] In a land beyond space and time...
Trailer Voice Guy: A new world enslaved. This is a land in need of a hero.
[Trejo removes his space helmet]
Trailer Voice Guy: They call him... MACHETE.
[echoing]
Trailer Voice Guy: Machete Machete.
Trailer Voice Guy: He knows the score.
Space Babe: We need a leader. We need a revolution. We need you, Machete.
Trailer Voice Guy: He gets the space babes.
[deep kiss]
Luz: The people needs us, Machete. This is a new network. It's all... galactic and shit.
Machete: He thinks he's God in heaven. So heaven must fall.
Trailer Voice Guy: And he kills the bad guys. Starring Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez...
Luz: Eat photons, bitches!
Trailer Voice Guy: ...Alexa Vega. With Justin Beaver, as Bleep. And Lady Gaga, as
[provoctive music]
Trailer Voice Guy: whoever she wants to be. With special guest star Leonardo DiCaprio, as the Man in the Silver Mask.
[in a lower voice]
Trailer Voice Guy: Actor subject to change.
[louder]
Trailer Voice Guy: Machete Kills Again... in Space.
[lower voice again]
Trailer Voice Guy: Rated X for cigarette use, prolonged sexual content, pervasive language, and space violence.
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Police Captain: Why help the U.S.?
Machete: 'Cause I'm the only that can.
Police Captain: You're always the sensitive one, Machete.
Blake Newcomb
Extended Reading
