Ben Nemtin

[Kevin and Marcus approach the desk at the hotel, disguised as Brittany and Tiffany, respectively. "Brittany"'s fake breasts knock over multiple items on the desk]

Kevin Copeland: Sorry. Um... um... They're new. Dr. Dorfman did an *amazing* job.

Marcus Copeland: [squeezes "Brittany"'s breast] They feel *so* real.

Agent Jake Harper: Hi. I, I, um... I need a credit card, please. And, and some I.D., please.

Kevin Copeland: ["Brittany" takes "her" I.D. out of "her" handbag and realizes it has Kevin's information and photo on. "She" quickly thinks and acts offended] Credit card? I.D.? I'm *so* freakin' pissed*! First of all, I go to Dr. Dorf and he totally messes up my nose job. I ask him to make me look like Gwyneth Paltrow... I get off the surgery table looking like freakin' *Shrek*! Then I get *here*, and Mr. *Harper* makes me feel like I'm some dumb blonde with fake boobs going to a Hugh Hefner party!

Agent Jake Harper: No, I-I didn't mean to offend you; it's just, it's... it's protocol!

Kevin Copeland: I'm gonna have a B.F.!

Marcus Copeland: Oh, my God... She's gonna have a bitch fit!

Agent Jake Harper: No, no, no, d-d-don't have a-a-a B.F. now.

Kevin Copeland: I wanna speak to your supervisor! Better yet, I'm gonna write a letter!

Marcus Copeland: [to Harper] You are in *big* trouble!

Kevin Copeland: [Agitated, "Brittany" grabs a pen and a sheet of paper and starts writing] Dear... Mr... Royal... Hampton. I... am... a... *white*... woman... in... America.

Section Chief Elliott Gordon: [appears] Ladies, is there a problem here?

Marcus Copeland, Kevin Copeland: Yes.

Agent Jake Harper: No! Sir, no, no, there's... there's no problem.

Section Chief Elliott Gordon: These are two of our VIP guests. Issue them keys. Immediately.

Agent Jake Harper: [nods nervously] Yes, sir.

Marcus Copeland: [to Harper] V. I. P. Learn your acronyms, okay?

Kevin Copeland: [to Gordon after he hands the "girls" room cards] What a sweetheart!

Section Chief Elliott Gordon: Enjoy your stay.

Kevin Copeland: Has anyone ever told you you look *just* like Denzel Washington?

Section Chief Elliott Gordon: [laughing] Yeah, actually I have heard it once... or twice.

Kevin Copeland: What a beautiful chocolate man! Beautiful!

["Brittany" and "Tiffany" walk away giggling; Gordon and Harper exchange puzzled looks]

Tiffany Wilson: [Tiffany is reading the Hamptons newspaper and sees a picture of them in the paper] Oh my God! Brittany?

Brittany Wilson: What?

Tiffany Wilson: [shows Brittany the picture] We're on page 6!

Brittany Wilson: No!

Tiffany Wilson: Yeah!

Brittany Wilson: No!

Tiffany Wilson: Yeah!

Brittany Wilson: NO!

Tiffany Wilson: Yeah! Look!

[shows her the article]

Tiffany Wilson: "Wilson Sisters Rock Hamptons"!

Brittany Wilson: [both girls gasp and erupt into screams] Wilsons rock! We rock!

Tiffany Wilson: [squealing] Yes!

Brittany Wilson: [realising that they weren't actually at the Hamptons, but were in the hotel room in New York the entire time] Wait... We weren't *in* the Hamptons this weekend!

Brittany Wilson, Tiffany Wilson: [gasping]

[in unison]

Brittany Wilson, Tiffany Wilson: Oh no!

[looking at the screen]

Brittany Wilson, Tiffany Wilson: We've been cloned!