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Wayne - Customer: Hey, I called you three times, and you never answer the phone.
Ken Miles: I answer the phone every time it rings.
Wayne - Customer: No, sir, you do not.
Ken Miles: Yes, I do.
Wayne - Customer: No, you don't. A month ago, this car was fun. Now, it won't even start. And when it does, it's 'Boom, boom, boom!' When I pull out of the driveway, the dog has a heart attack.
[Ken chuckles]
Wayne - Customer: All I'm asking is for you to make it like it was.
Ken Miles: Yeah, you've coked up the inlet valves and the plugs. Nothing wrong with the car, just the way it's being driven.
Wayne - Customer: The way it's being driven?
Ken Miles: Too much fuel, not enough spark. That's what's making her misfire.
Wayne - Customer: You wanna run that by me in English?
Ken Miles: All right, sir.
[Miles walks out of the car he is servicing and grabs his tin cup]
Ken Miles: So... that there, that is a sport car. You have to drive her like a sport car. If you drive her like a school teacher, she'll clog up. All right? Try changing up at 5,000 RPM, not two. Drive like you mean it. Hard and tight. She'll run clean.
Wayne - Customer: Are you telling me I don't know how to drive my own car?
Ken Miles: No. But if you ask me, this isn't your car. Your car's more a Plymouth or a Studebaker.
Wayne - Customer: You and me have a problem, buddy?
Ken Miles: I don't have a problem. I had an MG. Mine just ran fine.
Wayne - Customer: Screw you, you limey prick! I want my money back.
Ken Miles: Oh, behave. I'd give it to ya. But you haven't paid for last month's service yet.
Wayne - Customer: This country, the customer's always right. You ever hear that?
[Wayne enters his MG A]
Ken Miles: Yeah, yeah. Utter nonsense. Now remember, I advanced the timing, so a smidge twitchy in first.
[Wayne speeds off, struggling to control his MG A]
Ken Miles: Get the revs up. Good lad. Revs up. Ta-ra.
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Ken Miles: Well, you promised me the drive. Not the win.
Ben Collins
Extended Reading
