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Wedding Guest: [Allen is an usher at a wedding and has recently ended a relationship] Hey, Allen!
Allen: [frustrated] She left me! She moved out and my life's a shambles, all right? That's the news, you want the weather? Anywhere but the first three rows!
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Allen: [drunk] I don't ask for much. I don't ask to be rich, and I don't ask to be famous, and I don't ask to play center field for the New York Yankees. I just want to get married and have a wife, and a house, and I want to have a kid, and I want to go see him be a tooth in the school play!
Amy Ingersoll
Extended Reading
