Alexandra Begg

Bad Best Man: [walks on stage and starts beatboxing] Haha, just kidding, just kidding. The moment Chris asked me to be his best man, I sat down and I wrote a pretty awesome speech. But, I don't know, I think I'd rather speak from the heart.

[rips paper in half]

Jimmy: Oh, don't do that. Don't you rip that paper up. You never do that.

Bad Best Man: Ah. You know, when Chris... Chris and I first met, we, um... uh, wha... Chris and I, um... have known each other since, uh... hah... Chris and I, you know, we, we did stuff together.

[dry heaves]

Jimmy: He's gonna throw up on the fuckin' bride.

Bad Best Man: And, um, Chris has been like a brother to me. Well, I... because my real brother died. Well, he didn't die immediately...

Jimmy: No...

Bad Best Man: They revived him in the ambulance, then he died later. Hah... uh... Adolf Hitler once said...

Jimmy: Holy fucking shit.

Hal Lane: And your first dance will be to what song?

Paige: To our song, "You Are So Beautiful". That's by Joe Cocker.

Hal Lane: [sarcastically] Thanks.

Paige: [glances at Doug, who looks dissatisfied] What?

Doug Harris: That's not our song. That's not our song.

Paige: Honey, of course it is! Babe, don't you remember? Your broken CD player repeated it over and over and over the first time we made love?

Hal Lane: Aww.

Paige: So amazing.

Doug Harris: That wasn't... that wasn't me. That was your ex, Steve. And I know that 'cause you've told me the story about five times.